If you’ve read the Amateur for any length of time, you’ll know I’m always honest about things. Right or wrong, that’s one thing you can come to expect. So, there shouldn’t be much surprise when I had reservations about doing this tonight.
You know you’re an idiot, right? If this works out to the potential it has on paper, this farewell party will be like feeding a wolf steak and expecting him to go vegan the next day.
I wrote that on Thursday. Just a note to myself. But, I’m a pretty strongwilled individual. I wanted to do this and knew how much fun I would have. What better way to say goodbye? Even made it through the Karazhan run, no problem. Put my son to bed and it was time to visit Arthas. We got to the twins and there was that voice in the back of my head. Not Arthas’ whisper, just that little voice in my head telling me something. Tonight did deliver on the potential, and for that I was happy.
But then we went a little further. We had a part wipe on Sindragosa when it really clicked. I’ve found what I wanted out of the game all along. The people, the activity, the attitudes. Just everything. After burning out trying to make it happen in my guild, it was from outstretched hands of friends and bloggers. It only stands to reason, “birds of a feather” and all. But I still was focused.
Even with these great people, my schedule just doesn’t allow for much WoW time. I think I’ve illustrated that rather well. And you know what? Maybe it was just because everyone wanted me to have an amazing sendoff. Then the person I knew would say something did. He’s a kind and generous fellow who, like myself, treats his friends well and with something important to him will do what he can to make sure it continues. In other words, a cup of coffee a day to keep a buddy playing WoW whenever they can is more than worth it. I actually declined. I’m a humble person and my pride runs thick. I couldn’t do it.
Then we wiped on Arthas. No one complained. It was more “so that’s what defile is.” We never once looked at meters. We laughed. We had a great time. There was zero pressure and everyone loved it. So, we went back in and down he went.
So, we celebrated. Wouldn’t you know it, Halion dropped. The Staff of Forgotten Love. In pure symbolism, I not only got the staff I wanted for Transmogrfication for Tumunzahar, but tonight I was brought faced to face with what I love about WoW. And, yeah, I had forgotten. Forgotten that I wasn’t the only one who could have fun for the sake of fun. Forgotten how you can make the most of your time. Forgotten how people understand. I was also overwhelmed with the feeling that people deep down wanted me to stay. A few jokes were made, but they conveyed the truth. We found something tonight that was pretty special and they wanted me a part of it. Even before tonight, but it was made clear in the group we had.
So before we called it quits…I grew a set and swallowed my pride. I explained much of how I felt. I talked about the fact this amazing sendoff that was put together made it hard for me even if I wanted to come back. I had this unsubstantiated fear of coming across as false, or an attention seeker. But most of all, I realized my last line of defense (financial) had been breached. But, there was no way I was going to take the step without talking to the people that put this night together first. I also had to be sure everyone understood where I was coming from.
The folks I felt a part of had to understand that as excited as I was, I am focused on everything I wrote two weeks ago. That’s me. Who I am and who I want to be. But the laughter, excitement, and fun of tonight? The specific individuals who made it that way? Well, turns out that’s the kind of thing a person needs. That’s how we get by in this crazy world. We take a break from the trials and tribulations of life and relax. We do it with friends.
So it would seem I’m not leaving after all.
I accepted the generous offer of Cheetahdave for a 60 day time-card. I agreed we need to turn tonight into something moderately regular. Everyone was incredibly happy. That was important for me because I didn’t want to come across as going against my word so to speak. My word is incredibly important to me. As the saying goes though, when life hands you lemons you make lemon-aid (or screwdrivers). Well, I found a pretty amazing lemon-aid stand. I don’t feel obligated to try to be on. It’s more like, drop in when I can. When someone does what they can to allow you to take part in something with them, at your convenience, it’s hard to say no. More importantly, when you realize why they’re doing it and why they’re asking you to be a part of it, it’s an amazing feeling. You don’t even know it until it happens. Then you come to understand that just maybe it’s what you needed all along.