Amateur Smash!…Self

This is me, in my own head.

For the first time in an incredibly long time today I did something I honestly didn’t even know was still in me.  I rage-quit WoW.  I was in the middle of an instance, and I literally shut the program down out of sheer frustration.  To make matters worse, it wasn’t anyone else.  It was me.   Folks tried to be reassuring, and I appreciate it.  But I’m just struggling with (what I consider the basics of) healing as a Paladin.

On one hand, I can’t keep up with the tank’s health dropping.  If I pull that off successfully, I’m running out of mana.  In the past, with both my Shaman and Priest, I’ve figured out the problem either on my own or through research.  With the Paladin class, that just doesn’t seem to be happening.  I’m doing most of the things I’ve been told (a few have come up since my moment of rage), but I still struggle.  Thanks to Myth, I’ve got some solid enough gear that it shouldn’t be as much of an issue (minus of course my inability to land a second healing trinket).  But I’m struggling on trash. 

I need to thank both Matty and Repgrind for their patience and advice this afternoon as they became who I reached out to in order to try and figure it out, once the frustration settled a little.  It’s not that I want it to be easy, I just like to be able to correct myself.  With every other class (save maybe Rogue), I can usually get it right.  Heck, even tanking as a Paladin I grasped without much trouble (more than any other tanking class, honestly).  And I like healing.  I really do.  I wasn’t bothered when I was asked about being a Holy Paladin to raid.  I just didn’t think I’d ever be as frustrated with myself as I am.

I think part of the issue is flipping the switch at 85.  If I rolled a new Paladin and from level 10 on was Holy, I would probably learn the class and role much better and more easily.  I’d learn the spells as I get them and become accustomed to when and how to use them.  Going Holy at 85 and trying to tackle it all is tough for how my brain is wired.

Then there’s the matter of how long I’d be raid healing anyway.  For starters, my schedule to raid now isn’t all that great (much as I would like to with Myth).   Come Mists, I’ll be of no use for progression because I’m not buying the expansion.  So they’ll get to 90 and start out and it won’t be me healing them.  Frankly, this hasn’t factored into how I have approached the task at hand but it makes me wonder if maybe it should.  If I had the time, perhaps I’d roll another Paladin as Holy just to learn it as I go.  But the truth is, by the time I do that, half the guild will probably be 87 or 88.  I’d learn just in time for it to be of zero use.

So, instead, I keep hopping on Saintvache and going Holy and think I’m getting it.  Then invariably it’s clear that I’m not.  If I could find the solution, I know it wouldn’t bother me nearly as much.  Then again, perhaps things just went wrong on a day where I’m tired.  Who can say for sure?

11 thoughts on “Amateur Smash!…Self

  1. mataokashamanMatty July 22, 2012 / 3:42 pm

    Anytime. I know you’d be there for me, too. There are few things more frustrating when you have to remind yourself “I am a smart person” over and over again just to not feel like crap while playing.

    • JD Kenada July 22, 2012 / 4:02 pm

      *hugs*

  2. dragonray July 22, 2012 / 6:10 pm

    Honestly, JD, I have no idea how ANYONE heals. I find healing absolutely way beyond my skill set, I tried a shammy in BC, my O/S is holy on my pally and the few times I have tried healing on her, I have failed so far beyond what I could imagine. I also have tried healing on my druid – in LFR – I got so confused about all the hots – I rage quit the LFR :p and I started levelling my priest holy through dungeons and found I was just always out of mana and they would not stop, so I got yelled at about it…I am now shadow on her.

    Of all the healing – my priest was the one I picked up the best, but I still sucked at it.

    I completely understand your rage quit – but if you can heal on other toons, you will pick up the pally healing. We all have faith. Hugs for the rage though.

  3. Navimie July 22, 2012 / 7:08 pm

    Hope you’re feelinga bit better. I’m about to logon to do LBR, so I’ll chat you then.

  4. Karegina July 22, 2012 / 8:26 pm

    I understand how you feel. It is frustrating feeling like you are not getting it. I know you will, it’ll just take some time!!

    /hugs

    • JD Kenada July 23, 2012 / 3:52 am

      Thanks.

      Like I said, it just bugs me that my window of raid opportunity is closing in Myth, as I expect the Mists launch announcement any day now.

  5. Cymre July 23, 2012 / 1:14 am

    Oh i wish I’d read this before the LBR today. Hope you’re feeling somewhat better about things although I’m not sure if you were just hiding it well today.

    • JD Kenada July 23, 2012 / 3:51 am

      By the time you came to LBR, I was good. Part of it was in fact tired, I think. I laid down for about a half hour or so and wasn’t nearly as frustrated when I woke up.

  6. Nikki (Hadleigh the Healer) July 23, 2012 / 10:33 am

    I would just like to extend my services if you ever want me to walk you through various healing things. I heal on all the classes/specs and I’m ALWAYS willign to help out. We can sit on vent and go through everything. Also, when it comes to healign with Myth. We love you and even if you aren’t doing progression raiding, we do love to do retro raids and you are always welcoem on those. 🙂

    ❤ you friend!
    Towa/Hadz/Nikki

    • JD Kenada July 23, 2012 / 10:42 am

      Myth is awesome, and you totally know you are as well.

      I honestly think part of my reaction WAS being pretty exhausted. But I’m also my harshest critic and hence “I am what I am.” Lol.

      Thanks just the same. 😉

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