Yazkin: So boss, what’s on that boat?
Vortmar: The participants in the wrestling event, you inept fool.
Yazkin: Ah….so why are we here?
Vortmar: Because it’s our duty to determine who among them is worthy.
Yazkin: Worthy of what?
Vortmar: *sigh* To be called champion.
Yazkin: Ah. And how are we going to do that?
Yazkin: You have no idea, do you?
Vortmar: Shut up Yescan…let my intellect perform properly.
Yazkin: Well, it better perform fast boss…because you have a bunch of wrestlers stepping onto the dock and I think bodies are going to start hitting the water if you don’t have some direction for them to…
Vortmar: That’s it! I’m a genius! I mean, I knew that…but it’s true yet again. We’ll let them quarrel right here. The last one standing will be the winner, followed by the second and third last! I AM BRILLIANT!!!!
*Just then, a Goblin happens to be passing by and catches wind of the event*
Goblin: Yo, you gots a great idea there. Mind if I get my Mage…associate….to Arcane Broadcast it? *mutters to himself* …for a price….
Vortmar: I see no issue with this.
Yazkin: Boss, I think you should haggle with him. Ask for a fee or something.
Vortmar: Shut up Yescan. There’s no money to be made from such antics.
Goblin: I couldn’t agree more my friend….YO JESSE! GET YER GORILLA!!
*The eyes of a Blood Elf several yards away go very wide before he scampers off*
*a short time later…*
Elf: WELCOME EVERYONE TO AZEROTH’S MAIN EVENT!!! I’m your host, Jesse “The Blood Elf” Ventura. With me tonight is my pet gorilla, Monsoon.
Gorilla: Thanks, Jess. Yes, I talk. So what?
Elf: We got a real cooker for ya tonight. A good old fashioned Battle Roy-al and the stakes are Olympic Medals!
Gorilla: That’s right. As you can see, the participants are stepping out onto the docks, and the rules for this one are simple. Dump anything that moves into the harbour and be the last one standing for the gold medal. Silver will be the second last and bronze third last. Any favourites Jesse?
Elf: You better believe it, Gorilla. You gotta think factions like Thrallmar and Darnassus, what got two people in this fight, have the advantage. They’ll team up and use the old strength in numbers strategy to their advantage. But sooner or later, it’ll be about lookin’ out for number one Monsoon. That’s when it’ll get interesting.
Gorilla: Very true Jesse. As the competitors are nearly all off the boat, let’s take a look at all of the participants.
Gorilla: What a field Jess. I expect the Irresistable Force to meet the Immovable Object here tonight!
Elf: Gorilla, the Irresistable Force will get singled out and dumped by about four guys before it even gets to that. I’m tellin’ ya, if the Tauren and Draenei aren’t taken out early, their size will be a factor later on. When the competitors are too tired, they won’t be able to lift those mammoth fighters.
Gorilla: Well, the Forsaken official is raising his hand from atop the platform. It looks like we’re about to start.
Elf: And there’s the firework to signal we’re started Gorilla!
Gorilla: The second the firework was launched, we had our first eliminations. The Blood Elf from Lower City took a cheapshot at one of Stormwind’s representatives, sending them into the Lagoon.
Elf: And just as I predicted, the Death Knight the Bilgewater Cartel hired was tossed overboard by the pair from The Exodar! A Tauren working with a Dwarf. I can’t believe what I’m seein’ Gorilla!
Gorilla: Well, there’s bound to be strange team-ups tonight as everyone has their sights set on the gold medal!
Elf: Yeah, well I think that Human woman lost her focus for a minute Monsoon.
Gorilla: Right you are Jessie. She was representing the Darkspear Trolls and went for the Draenei of the Earthen Ring, who managed to step aside at the last second.
Elf: Gorilla, that’s proof you gotta watch your momentum in this situation as well. It’ll carry you right out of the medal running.
Gorilla: And Hellscream’s Reach will be watching from the sidelines as their Tauren just got thrown into the water by the pair from Wyrmrest Accord.
Elf: Check it out Monsoon! Smartest thing you’re going to see here tonight. The Draenei from the Argent Dawn dumped one of the Wyrmrest competitors when they had their backs turned! Caught ’em completely unaware! That Orc ain’t gonna be happy.
Gorilla: While that was going on, we lost the Keepers of Time as well. She was eliminated by what looks like the Draenei representing the Stormpike.
Elf: Gorilla, check it out. The Orc from Silvermoon looks to be going berserk! That can’t be good for those around him! But it damn sure works for me!
Gorilla: Sure enough Jess, there goes the Draenei from the Earthen Ring. And the Worgen from Honor Hold! She never even saw it coming, as she was fighting off the Blood Elf from Lower City!
Elf: And a third! Who was that Gorilla?
Gorilla: From up here Jess, it looked like the Forsaken that was in there for the Kirin Tor.
Elf: Uh-oh, that Orc looks to have just gassed. Such is the price of ragin’ this early! Why did you do such a thing???
Gorilla: And the human from Aldor is taking advantage, grabbing him from behind.
Elf: Oh that’s completely uncalled for Monsoon. He’s completely helpless. Who does that???
Gorilla: And a great toss there Jess! The Aldorean threw the Orc right into the Orgrimmar representative. They both just crashed in the water below!
Elf: I think that Aldor rep should be disqualified. That was cheating.
Gorilla: Is that a Scryer pin on your shirt?
Elf: What of it?!?!?
Gorilla: Nothing at all. Oh no! The Sporeggar team just got eliminated! The Goblin from Warsong Offensive and Pandaren from Ramakhen teamed up to get rid of them! We’re now down to 34 Jess. Over a fifth of the field is out.
Elf: There’s so much fighting going on Gorilla, I don’t know where to turn my head to follow the action.
Gorilla: Well, I think I just spotted Therazane hit the water, courtesy of the Gnome from the Argent Crusade. He didn’t get to enjoy the moment, though, as the Lower City Blood Elf snuck up behind him.
Elf: Punted him right proper, he did. Oh! Did you see that Gorilla? That crazy guy in the hood just launched himself from the platform and hurricanrana’d the Tauren from Gnomeregan right off the pier! What a stupid move!
Gorilla: It did the job.
Elf: Yeah, but it coulda just as easily have backfired and his momentum coulda put him in the drink instead. Ya gotta think in this environment Monsoon.
Gorilla: Well, the docks are starting to open up here Jessie, so there’s a bit more room for error.
Elf: Hey Gorilla, what’s goin’ on with the pair from Darnassus?
Gorilla: I don’t know Jessie. They’re kinda holding hands.
Elf: Eh, if that’s your thing…
Gorilla: JESS! They’re starting to spin. Looks like a whirlwind.
Elf: A what?
Gorilla: Whichever one is sent forward is going to launch like a cannonball!
Elf: Oh, the one that releases will shoot out like a cannonball Gorilla!
Gorilla: That’s what I –
Elf: And there goes the Orc! Sweet Kael’thas look at her go!
Gorilla: What an effective move Jessie. Timing was everything there! The Orc knocked a total of four battling competitors into the water. Her momentum sent them flying! Who all’s down there? I see The Kurenai Blood Elf, a Tauren that I believe represented The Illidari, a Draenei lady from Gilneas…and the Draenei from the Sunreavers!
Elf: But it wasn’t all that smart Gorilla! It left her teammate wide open as the Thrallmar team just dumped him!
Gorilla: Woah, Jess! The Thrallmar team just went as well!
Elf: I seen it with my own eyes and don’t believe it! The Worgen from Undercity just ran up and hit both with a dropkick! Caught them completely offguard!
Gorilla: That puts us at the halfway point according to our stats guy, Fizzwit. He says there’s 24 left.
Elf: 23, Gorilla. The dwarf from Ironforge was just tossed by The Defilers’ Dwarf! So much for factional unity! Bet that Defiler is a Dark Iron!
Gorilla: I think another Orc is starting to rage Jess. That one from the Silverwing Sentinels.
Elf: I’d rage if I had to suit up for them too. But I think in this case, that’s just her disposition. She’s been throwing bodies left and right from the start…they just seem to be hitting other bodies.
Gorilla: Well, she sent that one swimming Jessie.
Elf: Yup, the Scarlet nutjob just splashed down.
Gorilla: That’s Scarlet Crusade…
Elf: Either way, see that Tauren? He’s out. Oh, so’s The Stormpike guy!
Gorilla: The Exodar team of Dwarf and Tauren eliminated another one.
Elf: Hey Monsoon, we just lost another Tauren! Who was that?
Gorilla: That’s the Frostwolf rep Jess. That was the remaining Stormwind member who took him out.
Elf: How is an Orc representing Stormwind? Wait, that’s not Thrall is it?
Elf: Well, either way, that Orc just saw one of its own get tossed.
Gorilla: That’s the Silver Covenant representative Jessie. Looking at it closely we’re down to two Dwarves, two Draenei, three Orcs, a Goblin, two Humans, two Pandas…
Elf: Wait! How in the name of Kil’jaeden did I miss Pandas?!?!?!
Gorilla: The Pandaren are new to the games Jessie.
Elf: But how, you think we would’ve heard something?
Gorilla: It’s complicated.
Elf: Check it out Gorilla! The Blood Elves have decided to start working together! They’ve got the two from The Exodar backing up towards the water.
Gorilla: But look at the Defiler sneaking up on your comrade representing Thunder Bluff. He doesn’t see him coming Jessie!
Elf: HA! See Gorilla? That’s what happens when you fight dirty! Serves that Dwarf right!
Gorilla: Well, despite your clearly impartial view Jessie, you are correct in that the Dwarf was eliminated as well. As we talked about before, momentum can be your enemy. So in one swoop Thunder Bluff and The Defilers are gone.
Elf: So are The Exodars. The Exodarians. Oh, the crazy Space Goat lovers. Look at that Sindorei power Gorilla!
Gorilla: Well, we won’t be seeing a Dwarf on the podium thanks to that series of eliminations Jessie.
Elf: Bah, no need to taint the podium, Monsoon.
Gorilla: Getting back to the action in front of us…we’re down fifteen now and there’s much more positioning going on now.
Elf: I still think the Tauren and Draenei gotta be the focus…and them two Pandas. Ya gotta get them out while you still have some help to do it.
Elf: Yeah Gorilla?
Gorilla: One of your fellow Blood Elves just got eliminated by that Tauren.
Elf: What? Noooooooo. Wait, which one?
Gorilla: The Sha’tar.
Gorilla: And The Consortium’s investment is water bound as well!
Elf: Yeah, the Human just didn’t have the strength to move the Panda and he…it is a he right?
Elf: As I was sayin’, he just back body dropped him right off the dock.
Gorilla: Look at this Jessie! The Tauren is stepping up to the Panda now! Ramakhen versus Wyrmrest Accord!
Elf: We’re gonna see a good one now, Monsoon. I don’t know if that section of pier can hold both of em!
Gorilla: They’re toe to toe Jessie!
Elf: Neither one’s giving an inch, Gorilla!
Gorilla: No, Jessie. But the other Panda just eliminated the Worgen from the Dragonmaw Clan.
Elf: I’m still locked on the heavyweights down here. Oh wait! The Panda’s out! The Tauren Bodyslammed him off the edge!
Gorilla: What a display of strength!!!
Elf: Still, it took it’s toll on the Tauren. He’s catching his breath.
Gorilla: Oh, a…pardon the pun ladies and gentlemen, but that was a low blow by that Goblin!
Elf: And now the Tauren is doubled over in pain! And the Blood Elf from Lower City just pushed him into the drink!!! I love it Monsoon, seizing the opportunity!!!
Gorilla: I suppose you condone what the Goblin did?
Elf: Hey, we’re down to ten now Monsoon. You do what ya gotta do to win! I’d shiv you right now if it meant a gold medal.
Gorilla: …somehow I don’t doubt that. Back to the action, we have the representatives from Lower City, Stormwind, Argent Dawn, Silver Covenant, League of Arathor, Mag’har-
Elf: There goes the Draenei from the Argent Dawn. Our remaining Worgen just hopped right over him as he charged in.
Gorilla: So that leaves Lower City, Stormwind, Silver Covenant, League of Arathor, Mag’har, Undercity -represent by said Worgen, Warsong Offensive, Darnassus, and Aldor.
Elf: Erm, not that I hate bursting your bubble…but that Arathor Draenei just got tossed out…though he took an Orc with him. No idea which one.
Gorilla: Ah, that was the Silver Covenant Jessie.
Elf: Hey look Monsoon, them other two Orcs have the Panda at the edge. And now the Goblin’s joining in.
Gorilla: Indeed Jessie, all the competitors are trying to get the Mag’har representative off his feet, as he’s the favourite otherwise.
Elf: One of the Orcs has let go. It’s the Stormwind one. Bah, typical Stormwind behaviour. That must be a Gnome in an Orb of Deception! Wait…where’s he going. I mean, the higher ground makes sense at this stage as you’re further from the water…but he’s still going to have to eliminate someone.
Gorilla: OH WHAT AN EFFORT!
Elf: UNHOLY #@$*!!!!
Gorilla: Pardon Jessie’s language, but the Orc just flew from the deck, and took out the Pandaren!
Elf: Yeah, but like I said before…you can’t be takin’ those types of risks. That supposed Orc just took himself out as well Gorilla.
Gorilla: And we’re down to five now Jessie. Five factions. Five races. No alliances, and no medal for two of our finalists now.
Elf: If it were me, the Orc and the Worgen gotta go. The Orc’s fierce and that Worgen -she’s an agile one. Keep the Goblin around because he can just be bought when it’s down to you and him…
Gorilla: The Orc and the Human have squared off Jess.
Elf: Yeah, and it’s like that Worgen heard me say she was a threat because she’s going right after the Blood Elf from Lower City. It’s not right Monsoon. She should be going after that sneaky little Goblin!
Gorilla: The Goblin just tripped up the Worgen! The Blood Elf is taking advantage of the opportunity now!
Elf: Brilliant! Dump her! Dumper her!
Gorilla: Indeed, the Worgen has fallen in the water! We’re down to four!
Elf: Woohoo! Yeah, eat that poochie!!!
Gorilla: Wait, the Goblin just leaped onto the Blood Elf and is biting him in the face!
Elf: That ungrateful little wretch! That’s uncalled for! Win with honor, you little green bastard!
Gorilla: Wait Jessie, the Elf is teetering at the edge but the Goblin doesn’t seem to care!
Elf: Quick, someone save him!
Gorilla: The Goblin?
Elf: Are you out of your mind? Who cares about that little cheater? Why is no one saving the honest Blood Elf?!?!?
Gorilla: And they both just went in Jesse!
Elf: This is a travesty! This is an outrage! I demand an appeal!
Gorilla: The Blood Elf and Goblin have respectively won Bronze medals for Lower City and Warsong Offensive ladies and gentlemen! The official has ruled they hit the water at the same time!
Elf: WOOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!! Sindorei on the podium! IN YOUR FACE!!!
Gorilla: *sigh* Let’s not forget we still have two competitors going at it, now for the gold medal.
Elf: Who cares? The Blood Elves have proven their superiority yet again. Eight other races can bite my arcane butt Gorilla!
Gorilla: Well, I for one will do the respectful thing and follow as The Aldor and Darnassus wait with baited breath to see which will win its first gold medal of the games, though I don’t know if either realizes it’s down to them.
Elf: Of course not, they’re lesser race-
Gorilla: WOULD YOU SHUT UP YOU FOOLISH ELF!!!!!
Gorilla: Now then, as you can see the Human seems to have the upper hand as he’s pushing the Orc back towards the water. It seems like he’s just a bit too strong for her. This is Aldor’s day by the looks of it. Oh, well, the Orc’s used her feet to back towards one of the dock pillars that is sticking up about a foot from level. She’s trying to turn the human now, but he’s having none of it. Oh, a headbutt! Clearly he’s got no qualms about striking the fairer sex.
Elf: It’s for the gold, Monsoon.
Gorilla: Nice of you to rejoin us Jesse. Now then, the Human pulls her from the post and…no! The Aldors will have to settle for silver!
Elf: Told ya you needed to keep your wits out here today, and that right there was brilliant Gorilla. When that Human pulled her, she used the momentum and dropped down, monkey flipping him into the lagoon.
Gorilla: And herself to the gold medal! What a performance here today. She’s holding her head hi…
Elf: For Darnassus??? I’m so confused.
Gorilla: Indeed folks, Darnassus takes the gold, silver goes to Aldor while Lower City and Warsong Offensive each receive bronze. Thanks for joining us! Say goodnight Jesse.
Elf: G’night Monsoon. Once again, the pleasure was all yours.
Gold Medal – Darnassus (Mychelle)
Silver Medal – The Aldor
Bronze Medal – Warsong Offensive
Bronze Medal – Lower City